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The one thing all relationship success stories have in common is that they are about two people who made a decision to work on their relationship. They didn’t give up when they were faced with challenges, but instead, they kept trying until the day came when they could say, “All of our hard work has paid off!” With years of hearing stories from my clients about falling in love and falling out of love, I realized that there is one common ingredient for a longer relationship and that it – communication! That’s what this blog post is about: how you can find success in your own relationship.
The following tips may help you improve your relationship (and be better prepared to meet the challenges along the way):
- Talk to each other and convey your needs — no one can read your thoughts, so don’t expect your spouse to figure out what you’re going through.
- If you have something to say, say it softly — rage is sent away by a soft voice. Before bringing up the matter, avoid jumping into attack mode and calm down.
- Listen to each other – we are frequently so preoccupied with defending or proving our own point that we fail to notice what our partner is saying. Before you respond, let your partner know that you have listened to them. Before reacting, it’s a good idea to take five deep breaths.
- Keep in mind the positive aspects of your mate; this will help you protect your connection. To offset the effect of critical comment, five favorable comments are required. Before you criticize, think about it.
- Make repair attempts – if your attempts to talk about a problem don’t go as intended, don’t make the situation worse by not talking for long periods of time or disregarding the other person’s attempts. Even if you disagree, saying sorry or touching your partner in a caring manner shows you care.
- Spend time together – Make your relationship a priority and schedule time for each other, even if you have to schedule it. Regular ‘deposits in your relationship bank account’ will help to protect and strengthen your connection.
- When you’re having a quarrel, try to remain calm or, if that’s not possible, take a break. It can be highly beneficial to take a ‘us’ attitude that prioritizes the relationship over a ‘you and me’ perspective.
- Pay attention – Show that you care about the relationship. It is what you do for someone else that expresses your affection for them. We often offer our partners what we want, but they may prefer a different kind of affection. Do they enjoy receiving gifts, spending quality time with you, receiving a message, or eating a home-cooked meal? Make an effort to give what they like once you’ve figured out what they like.
- Be flexible – Allow your relationship to evolve and adapt as you both change.
- Share power – Ensure that each of you feels as if your voice matters. According to research, the most successful relationships are those in which the female partner believes she has control over her partner.
No matter what type of relationship, whether new or old, healthy or unhealthy, long-distance or not, couples who communicate well with each other are always more likely to succeed. Communication is key for any type of relationship – no matter how new they may be. So don’t forget about this important factor! It’s not easy to find THE ONE, but it is possible. And all that takes is some patience and dedication. That’s why your story matters. Because you’re out there looking for love, just like everyone else – and you deserve to have a happy ending too! May you find love this October and enjoy the sweet holiday season!